Eight Months in a Time Vortex

Once upon a time there was a young woman who was planning an epic novel of epicness. It was going to follow a master plot and be high fantasy. It was going to be amazing and the dragon was going to cooperate.

Zap.

Yeah, it didn't quite go as planned.

My last post was on November 18th. Just days after an intial diagnosis and confirmed diagnosis for my sister. Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Yes, that type of leukemia. The one that requires a bone marrow transplant. And chemo. And radiation. And blood transfusions and immunosuppressants and steroids and tremors and rashes and blood clots.

That cancer.

That C word.

The type of leukemia that typicallys trikes those under the age of five or over the age of 64.

The type of leukemia that doesn't have 10 year survival statistics because it usually affects those under the age of five or over the age of 64.

The type of cancer that the treatment is just as likely to kill you as the disease itself.

The type of cancer that, more than a few times, almsot tool the life of my sister this year.

We made it through Christmas. And I can barely remember those first few weeks of my job. Aside from the random outbursts of tears while standing in the bathroom inside my boss's house. Every day I told myself to go to work just one more day. Because learning a new job while jumping every time your phone buzzes is an impossible task.

I now have the bad habit of sleeping with my phone under my pillow because fever spikes and respiratory problems made me too afraid to sleep without it literally next to my face.

We spent months and months planning a giant fundraising effort which is now, finally, over.

I feel like I can breathe again, maybe just a little.

Everything has different meaning now, though. I watch Fantastic Beasts and I remember brushing my sister's hair because she was too tired to do it herself. Crying because she would lose that beautiful hair. Crying at the Warner Brothers logo because I thought, "what if this is the last time she and I get to do Harry Potter stuff together."

Bawling in the book store because the last time I had visited was for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child's book release party and she was the person I could convinvce to go with me.

Crying at songs on the radio.

Sobbing when it all just seemed too unfair.

I stopped writing. First I stopped my pleasure writing because everything that came out of me was just too heavy and depressing. I was too close to a real life crisis to be able to put effort into a fantasy world.

Then I stopped content writing because I couldn't make deadlines. My sister's health changed on a whim and If ound myself too distracted and too busy (sometimes just sitting at the hospital) to give it the attention it deserved.

I don't know when, or if, I will start content writing again, but yesterday, after an 8 month hiatus, I wrote. Today I will again.

My sister is cancer free and on the mend. We can only help it continues this way.